so what's the knuckle head currently up to? have a peek after you finish looking around here.


eye's hindsight vol 12

its a wonder i dont have a criminal stupidity record, part 4
police blotter

most dates are approximate, and pretty much pulled from my rear, there just for effect

11/15/97 - 10:03PM - call received reporting three teenage white males allegedly lighting telephone poles on fire. officer spotted three smarmy looking adolescents wandering down a residential street and approached. the stinkin hippies had been lighting incense, not telephone poles. caller identified as certifiable moron and banned from calling emergency services for life.

damn dirty hippies. the fool caller should have been banned from 911, anyway.

4/9/99 - 11:43PM - call received reporting an underaged drinking party in progress at red roof inn motel. report came from motel manager, who was in turn informed by the parents of a 15 year old party goer. when officer arrived, said parents were already yelling,chiding, and generally threatening other party goers. parents took their daughter and left. officer reported that the rest of the party goers appeared to be btn 17 and 19 years of age. after threats of bringing in k9 unit to search for drugs, officer had youths pour all alcohol down the drain and leave. amount of present alcohol - approximately 4 to 5 gallons. approximate value of present alcohol - $1.73.

man i didnt even know who the girl was nor did i know why anybody brought somebody that young. i wasnt even going to drink! i had just showed up with two friends about ten minutes before the parents showed up. the girl was already plastered, but nobody else had drank a drop yet when the cop showed. its a good thing the cop wasnt serious about the k9 unit though... ahem...

12/31/99 - 10:47pm - call received reporting a party in a hotel room. rules of the hotel state that no more than 4 individuals may be in a room at one time. after receiving reports of noise coming from two adjacent rooms, hotel management asked residents to keep their voices down. it was noticed by employee that nearly all residents appeared to be under the age of 21, and large amounts of alcohol were present. when police arrived, it appeared that the residents had segregated themselves between the two rooms: one room contained 3 individuals of legal age, with enough booze to keep the police deparment intoxicated for at least an evening; the second room had approximately 15 under-21 individuals, and no beverages of any sort. all in the second room sat quietly on the two beds. all residents were kicked out of the hotel without refund.

that almost ruined new years eve. thankfully one of the party-goers had an empty house (parents house anyway) where we all went instead. worry not, all booze made it to the second party. good times.

3/29/01 - 2:21AM - weather: heavy fog. SIU campus police walking their beat came across four individuals: two white male, two white female. upon approaching, officers noted that both females were urinating next to a tree in the middle of a parkway in the center of a cul-de-sac next to a campus building. all four individuals were heavily intoxicated, a fact visible in their inability to stand without wobbling. none of the offenders were put in custody because another call that was way more important came in and officers simply walked away.

yea, that was weird. we were all way too drunk to even realize that we were in the middle of a street, and about 25 feet from one of the campus buildings. no idea what the other call was about. must have been important. anyway, yea. nuff said.

3/30/01 - 10:57AM - police notified that during a memorial service for gas station employee killed in a robbery attempt/kidnapping/high speed car accident, a passing car disposed of a bag of what appeared to be, and smelled of, vomit, by throwing it in the direction of the mourners. the car quickly pulled over, and the bag was retreived; the retreiver apologized profusely and claimed it was an accident. police not sent.

ok, nothing to do with a police call here, really. i just thought it needed to be mentioned. notice, this was the morning after the pee incident. no, the vomit was not mine, nor did i retreive it. funny though.


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