eye's hindsight vol 8
its a wonder i dont have a criminal stupidity record, part 1
junkie
during the autumn of my first year out of high school, the car that I had been driving for a mere few months died permanently (another story for another time). having desperately needed a new hooptie to get my rear end to work and back each day, i began the search.
naturally, being of the "hasty" and/or "impulsive" persuation, it didnt take long at all. the little used car lot around the corner had a mercury topaz that was a mere six years old, with less than 30k miles on it. actually, it was a pretty good find. my only problem was that i was certainly not wealthy, and needed some sort of financing.
now, anybody whos ever bought from one of these lots knows that its rare indeed that they offer financing, and if they do, you dont want it (unless youre happy paying more for the loan than for the car). this was one of the places that did not offer their own financing. whether this fact could be deemed "lucky" or not is, well, debatable. but i digress.
i was informed by the lot owner/salesman that his son worked as a loan guy in a ford dealership in west chicago. he said he would talk to his son and see if he could get me a loan through them for the car. he called the next day to let me know that his son could get me the loan, all id have to do was bring him a $500 down payment (which I had) at the ford place. i called up the son and set up an appointment to meet with him about the loan and down payment, and was told to meet him at the ford place in west chicago. it was on a road that i knew, just past a cross street that i didnt know.
now, id heard of west chicago before. i knew it was a suburb, and not part of chicago. i knew it was along this east/west road that ran through my home town, so i knew it probably wouldnt be too hard to get there. what i didnt know, was which direction down this east/west road it lay. i assumed that "west chicago" would probably not be too far from regular chicago; i knew that this east/west road went into chicago (east), but i figured that west chicago must be somewhere between my home town and chicago. it wasnt. but i didnt know that.
so the day of my meeting appointment, after work, i called up a buddy of mine who was going to drive me, we shall call him "bear" (and probably only bones and elle might understand that name). he picked me up, we got on the road that the ford dealership was on, and headed east (instead of west, towards west chicago). we continued watching every light for the cross street that the dealership was "just past", and never found it. it was starting to get dark, and the neighborhood started getting pretty bad (read boarded and/or barred windows, abandoned buildings, etc... and as bear said at the time, "you know a neighborhood is bad when you start seeing worse cars with better rims").
bear needed to stop for gas, and we decided to turn around to head back. we were sure we were lost at that point. there was a gas station on the right side of the street at a stop light, so bear turned into the parking lot and pulled up to a pump. there was a group of thug lookin guys standing near the building eyeballing us pretty hard. i sat and stared at my knees as bear set the gear to park, and i said "pay with your card at the pump, dont make eye contact with anybody, just pump a few dollars and lets get the hell out of here." he said "yea" and got out of the car. i stared at my knees.
after what felt like about two hours, he jumped back in the car, turned the ignition, and got moving, he made a left onto the cross street with the intention of making a left back onto our east/west street to start heading home. we pulled up to the light...
and the light wasnt there. we both looked up at it, confused. bear said "i think they stole the stop light! oh this neighborhood is really bad." this didnt make any sense to me, but nonetheless, there was no light, nor did there appear to have ever been one. there was one on our right, one on our left, and there appeared to be one above us. but none ahead of us. the light on the left and right changed to red, and the car across from us turned left to head east onto the east/west street, so bear pulled forward and made his left.
less than a block later, there was a car (a piece of garbage car, mind you) tailgating us, and its headlights were alternately flashing. no red and blues though... just the headlights. i didnt know what to make of it, neither did bear. we were a bit nervous, but he pulled over anyway.
i noticed that the streets had cleared of pedestrians. we were alone with the car behind us. in the dark. in a nasty part of the city (i later learned that we were in what is considered the "heart" of the west side of chicago... a bad neighborhood indeed).
a large man approached the drivers side door, wearing a big coat, a ball cap, and just generally looking like a large neighborhood thug, other than the fact that he had one of those little collar walkie-talkies that cops wear. otherwise, he didnt look like a cop. bear rolled down the window, and the large man said "you know you were going the wrong way down a one way street?" ohh... yea that would make sense.
"would you please get out of the car."
oh s%*@ bears a dead man
bear got out of the car, and at the same moment, i nearly jumped completely out of my skin as i heard a loud rapping on the passanger side door. the man who stood out there wasnt as big as the first, but looked even less cop-like. he wore a red flannel and jeans.
oh f*&@ im a dead man
i didnt even get to roll down the window when he waved me out of the car, not even looking at me. looking up the street. i dont think ive ever been so scared in my life. i got out of the car, and couldnt even manage to say anything. big guy was patting down bear, emptying his pockets and stuff. guy number two told me to put my hands on the car, which i did. he began searching my pockets.
now here is where my retarded shows. i give you - the contents of my pockets:
my jeans carried my wallet in my butt pocket, my keys in my right pocket, and $500 cash (down payment) in my left pocket. the trench coat i was wearing had two pockets. the right pocket carried a spoon (i think it was jimi hendrix, but im not certain, and that is definitely a story for another time), a lighter (as i was a smoker at work, but not anywhere else), and a bottle of no-doze caffeine pills. my left pocket carried... a butterfly knife. why? hell if i know. i dont know why i was carrying it. i didnt carry it around a lot. almost never. never needed to. i think i just felt cool when i had it. for some stupid reason (probably fate bringing me a story that one day, today, i would bring to you), i was carrying it that day.
so flannel guy was emptying my pockets onto the rear of the car. he wasnt a man of many words, though he really didnt need to; i felt thoroughly stupid all the while. when he pulled out the cash, i explained our situation with the dealership plainly, and openly admitted we were lost, very lost. but i dont think he believed me. he continued emptying pockets. butterfly knife, lighter, stupid. i couldnt even say anything. he pulled the spoon, and i said "it was from my lunch today, i came straight from work". not that i needed to say anything at all. like that sort of defense was going to get me anywhere. with a spoon, a lighter, $500, and a concealed weapon.
the headlights continued flashing, adding to the mood.
he pulled out the bottle of no-doze pills, and opened it up. he thrust it in my face, and spoke for the first time, "what is this? what is this?"
i said "its no-doze! caffeine pills!"
he said "what is this? is this that date rape drug? what do you call it? what do you call it?"
i said "huh? i dont know what thats called. no really, its caffeine, i swear it!" he closed up the bottle and put it on the car. he looked at the big guy, nodded, and then started searching through the whole car.
there were still no people on the streets. just us standing there, nearly crying. i thought we were dead. i still didnt believe these guys were cops. and now that they found $500, we were dead.
while flannel guy was searching the car, big guy said to us "you know, theres only one reason a couple of white boys come to this neighborhood. you boys here buyin dope?"
bear and i, both slack jawed with big, panicked eyes, shook our heads emphatically, and said "no! no!"
i said "no, seriously, we just got lost on our way to a car dealership. im supposed to be making a down payment on a car!" at about this time flannel guy got finished searching the car, looked at big guy, and shook his head. flannel guy loaded my pockets back up for me (it was as awkward as it sounds), while bear loaded his coat back up. flannel guy didnt give me back my butterfly knife.
i said "are you gonna keep that?" he nodded his head. i said "ok." then he walked back to his car. big guy said "go on back home, and dont ever come back to this neighborhood again."
i dont know why i didnt get in trouble for carrying a concealed weapon, if they were indeed cops. they must have been though, cuz i came home with the cash. i think, maybe, in the end they believed us. they could smell our fear.
im pretty sure cops can smell fear, kind of like dogs can. i bet it smells like pee. like pee trickling down your leg and into your shoe.
neither of us peed that day (that i know of anyway), but i considered it.
junkie
during the autumn of my first year out of high school, the car that I had been driving for a mere few months died permanently (another story for another time). having desperately needed a new hooptie to get my rear end to work and back each day, i began the search.
naturally, being of the "hasty" and/or "impulsive" persuation, it didnt take long at all. the little used car lot around the corner had a mercury topaz that was a mere six years old, with less than 30k miles on it. actually, it was a pretty good find. my only problem was that i was certainly not wealthy, and needed some sort of financing.
now, anybody whos ever bought from one of these lots knows that its rare indeed that they offer financing, and if they do, you dont want it (unless youre happy paying more for the loan than for the car). this was one of the places that did not offer their own financing. whether this fact could be deemed "lucky" or not is, well, debatable. but i digress.
i was informed by the lot owner/salesman that his son worked as a loan guy in a ford dealership in west chicago. he said he would talk to his son and see if he could get me a loan through them for the car. he called the next day to let me know that his son could get me the loan, all id have to do was bring him a $500 down payment (which I had) at the ford place. i called up the son and set up an appointment to meet with him about the loan and down payment, and was told to meet him at the ford place in west chicago. it was on a road that i knew, just past a cross street that i didnt know.
now, id heard of west chicago before. i knew it was a suburb, and not part of chicago. i knew it was along this east/west road that ran through my home town, so i knew it probably wouldnt be too hard to get there. what i didnt know, was which direction down this east/west road it lay. i assumed that "west chicago" would probably not be too far from regular chicago; i knew that this east/west road went into chicago (east), but i figured that west chicago must be somewhere between my home town and chicago. it wasnt. but i didnt know that.
so the day of my meeting appointment, after work, i called up a buddy of mine who was going to drive me, we shall call him "bear" (and probably only bones and elle might understand that name). he picked me up, we got on the road that the ford dealership was on, and headed east (instead of west, towards west chicago). we continued watching every light for the cross street that the dealership was "just past", and never found it. it was starting to get dark, and the neighborhood started getting pretty bad (read boarded and/or barred windows, abandoned buildings, etc... and as bear said at the time, "you know a neighborhood is bad when you start seeing worse cars with better rims").
bear needed to stop for gas, and we decided to turn around to head back. we were sure we were lost at that point. there was a gas station on the right side of the street at a stop light, so bear turned into the parking lot and pulled up to a pump. there was a group of thug lookin guys standing near the building eyeballing us pretty hard. i sat and stared at my knees as bear set the gear to park, and i said "pay with your card at the pump, dont make eye contact with anybody, just pump a few dollars and lets get the hell out of here." he said "yea" and got out of the car. i stared at my knees.
after what felt like about two hours, he jumped back in the car, turned the ignition, and got moving, he made a left onto the cross street with the intention of making a left back onto our east/west street to start heading home. we pulled up to the light...
and the light wasnt there. we both looked up at it, confused. bear said "i think they stole the stop light! oh this neighborhood is really bad." this didnt make any sense to me, but nonetheless, there was no light, nor did there appear to have ever been one. there was one on our right, one on our left, and there appeared to be one above us. but none ahead of us. the light on the left and right changed to red, and the car across from us turned left to head east onto the east/west street, so bear pulled forward and made his left.
less than a block later, there was a car (a piece of garbage car, mind you) tailgating us, and its headlights were alternately flashing. no red and blues though... just the headlights. i didnt know what to make of it, neither did bear. we were a bit nervous, but he pulled over anyway.
i noticed that the streets had cleared of pedestrians. we were alone with the car behind us. in the dark. in a nasty part of the city (i later learned that we were in what is considered the "heart" of the west side of chicago... a bad neighborhood indeed).
a large man approached the drivers side door, wearing a big coat, a ball cap, and just generally looking like a large neighborhood thug, other than the fact that he had one of those little collar walkie-talkies that cops wear. otherwise, he didnt look like a cop. bear rolled down the window, and the large man said "you know you were going the wrong way down a one way street?" ohh... yea that would make sense.
"would you please get out of the car."
oh s%*@ bears a dead man
bear got out of the car, and at the same moment, i nearly jumped completely out of my skin as i heard a loud rapping on the passanger side door. the man who stood out there wasnt as big as the first, but looked even less cop-like. he wore a red flannel and jeans.
oh f*&@ im a dead man
i didnt even get to roll down the window when he waved me out of the car, not even looking at me. looking up the street. i dont think ive ever been so scared in my life. i got out of the car, and couldnt even manage to say anything. big guy was patting down bear, emptying his pockets and stuff. guy number two told me to put my hands on the car, which i did. he began searching my pockets.
now here is where my retarded shows. i give you - the contents of my pockets:
my jeans carried my wallet in my butt pocket, my keys in my right pocket, and $500 cash (down payment) in my left pocket. the trench coat i was wearing had two pockets. the right pocket carried a spoon (i think it was jimi hendrix, but im not certain, and that is definitely a story for another time), a lighter (as i was a smoker at work, but not anywhere else), and a bottle of no-doze caffeine pills. my left pocket carried... a butterfly knife. why? hell if i know. i dont know why i was carrying it. i didnt carry it around a lot. almost never. never needed to. i think i just felt cool when i had it. for some stupid reason (probably fate bringing me a story that one day, today, i would bring to you), i was carrying it that day.
so flannel guy was emptying my pockets onto the rear of the car. he wasnt a man of many words, though he really didnt need to; i felt thoroughly stupid all the while. when he pulled out the cash, i explained our situation with the dealership plainly, and openly admitted we were lost, very lost. but i dont think he believed me. he continued emptying pockets. butterfly knife, lighter, stupid. i couldnt even say anything. he pulled the spoon, and i said "it was from my lunch today, i came straight from work". not that i needed to say anything at all. like that sort of defense was going to get me anywhere. with a spoon, a lighter, $500, and a concealed weapon.
the headlights continued flashing, adding to the mood.
he pulled out the bottle of no-doze pills, and opened it up. he thrust it in my face, and spoke for the first time, "what is this? what is this?"
i said "its no-doze! caffeine pills!"
he said "what is this? is this that date rape drug? what do you call it? what do you call it?"
i said "huh? i dont know what thats called. no really, its caffeine, i swear it!" he closed up the bottle and put it on the car. he looked at the big guy, nodded, and then started searching through the whole car.
there were still no people on the streets. just us standing there, nearly crying. i thought we were dead. i still didnt believe these guys were cops. and now that they found $500, we were dead.
while flannel guy was searching the car, big guy said to us "you know, theres only one reason a couple of white boys come to this neighborhood. you boys here buyin dope?"
bear and i, both slack jawed with big, panicked eyes, shook our heads emphatically, and said "no! no!"
i said "no, seriously, we just got lost on our way to a car dealership. im supposed to be making a down payment on a car!" at about this time flannel guy got finished searching the car, looked at big guy, and shook his head. flannel guy loaded my pockets back up for me (it was as awkward as it sounds), while bear loaded his coat back up. flannel guy didnt give me back my butterfly knife.
i said "are you gonna keep that?" he nodded his head. i said "ok." then he walked back to his car. big guy said "go on back home, and dont ever come back to this neighborhood again."
i dont know why i didnt get in trouble for carrying a concealed weapon, if they were indeed cops. they must have been though, cuz i came home with the cash. i think, maybe, in the end they believed us. they could smell our fear.
im pretty sure cops can smell fear, kind of like dogs can. i bet it smells like pee. like pee trickling down your leg and into your shoe.
neither of us peed that day (that i know of anyway), but i considered it.
posted by The EYE at 4:56 PM
3 Comments:
Good story. You kids with the spoons!
Sounds like a frightening encounter.
It also sounds like you were acosted by some form of vigilante group or aggressive, but highly illegal neighborhood watch. In my experience of living in some of the scarier areas, some citizens in the hood get fed up with the drug trafficing and crime and tend to take matters into their own hands. I'm glad you came out of it unscathed.
trebomb - thanks. spoons indeed. i may still use an explanation for that in a future "the eye reflects".
b.j. - yea, could have been that. a guy i worked with who lived not far from where we ended up suggested that they were what he called "jump outs", who apparently were indeed undercover narc cops looking only for people they can haul in for possession. since we didnt have any they left us alone; took the knife but didnt arrest me because they didnt feel like taking the time for a charge like that when they had drug dealers and buyers to bust. who knows? i like your idea better though.
bear - no way... im not entirely sure whether i believe that this is really bear, or if its bones or somebody else who knew the story well back then. if its bones, expect a cockpunch. if its bear, shoot me an email - address is linked in the corner of the blog. i am seriously curious on how you came across the site, as i wasnt known as the EYE then, and dont have my name in here anywhere...
so do write. if you are indeed bear.
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