eyes hindsight vol 1
ok, so i decided that im not really likin the whole normal blog thing. i figure, most people dont really care what happens every boring-ass day in my boring-ass life. besides, in all truth, they can just go over to ems blog if they want to know. em will tell you if anything interesting happens. instead, ive decided to work on my writing and storytelling abilities. ive seen a couple of entertaining blogs that are more like zines, and do repeating "columns" i suppose, and i kind of like that. so heres my first, im calling it "eyes hindsight". i still want to do what i can to use pseudonymns when i have one, so dont be surprised when you find yourself reading about "cola b" or "jakob creutzfeldt" or whatever, but often i wont have one, so deal with it. last names still wont be used, so if you find yourself in one of my stories, oh well, deal with it. anyway, if you like the idea and like what you read, drop a comment afterwards. i would appreciate it.
vol 1 - best damn hamburger EVER
back in the final weeks (or maybe it was months... i dont remember the exact date) of my senior year in high school, cold bones, nikki, teg, and i went on a short camping trip up to devils lake in wisconsin. it was early in the year, as i recall, so the place was EMPTY. we didnt really have much to do, but it was like a first taste of sweet freedom for cold bones and i. (no offense bones, but im sure you would pretty much agree) we were losers, see, and knowing that parents were miles and miles away from us was exhilarating. neigh, intoxicating. but ill get to that.
when we arrived, we set up our tents - bones and i in one, nikki and teg in the other. nikki and teg went to go buy some firewood (which as i recall, they couldnt find any stores selling any, so instead they stole some... oh, come on, it was just firewood). i, being the former boy scout (yes, nerd also applies), was in charge of building the fire, and properly starting it once built. no problems there, and in no time we had a fire that burned bright and kept our fingers and butts toasty on that brisk, early spring evening.
for dinner we had brought some extremely cheap-ass hamburgers (you know the kind, the premade ones where you get 100 of them in a box for around $5, probably made from at least 60% soy). to cook them, we wrapped each up in tinfoil, and laid them directly in the fire. of course, we hadnt really considered how to get them out of the fire. but never fear, our ingenuity knew no boundry. we improvised by using two long sticks like a couple of giant chopsticks and pulled them out. i stabbed through my tin foil. i didnt care though - germs be damned! i shake my fist at you dirt and filth, for today i am free!!!
we slapped those pathetic burgers on buns, put on our individually wrapped slices of american cheese, slathered them in ketchup and mustard, and took our first bites. oh! oh the sweet sweet taste of independence! those cut-rate hamburgers dripped with the juice of lady liberty herself, and exploded with flavor pockets of emancipation! somehow, those paltry "meat" patties were the best thing we had ever eaten in our entire lives. and to this day, i believe that bones agrees with me on that one.
after our savory meal was completed, we chatted about whatever it is thats important to seniors in high school and a freshman in college. probably who we thought sucked at school and who was cool, or whatever. and then teg brought out dessert... he had picked up three relatively nice cigars for us gentlemen (nikki didnt smoke). by relatively nice, i mean he bought them individually, they needed the end to be clipped, and they didnt come in a box or whatever. yes sir, a day like this deserves NOTHIN BUT THE BEST. actually, i have no idea what he paid for them, they could have been really damn nice cigars; but that would have been mostly wasted on our far from aficionado perspective. and to make these cigars just a bit sweeter, he produced a half-full bottle of gentleman jack from the trunk of his car, and a metal shot glass (sort of a paradox, i suppose... metal shot glass... but thats just nitpicking). he poured a half-shot, and we dipped the butts of our cigars in the tasty whiskey as we smoked.
as the night progressed, teg offered us a shot of said booze (straight out of the bottle, of course, as the only cup was occupied by the stoggie-dippin whiskey), and we gladly accepted. i had never been drunk before, never really had any more than a drink or two. one would probably think that whiskey might have been a bit too strong for a turd like myself. but let me tell you, that whiskey tasted like brown miracle water that had been filtered through the charcoal of the gods of freedom and mercy! it was amazing. probably the best drink i have ever had, to date. not long later he told us he really didnt want to have to drive back home with the booze in the trunk, because he was afraid of getting pulled over. fear not teg, for bones and i shall finish this bottle for you. well, less so bones, more so yours truly. very much more so...
well, bones and i (again, mostly me) made the firewater go away post haste. i believe the ratio was probably 2 to 1, my drinks to bones drinks. when the bottle was finished, i was still not sated. then it caught my eye... the metal shot glass with the cigar dipped whiskey... hah! the whiskey was good, the cigars were good dipped in the whiskey, the whiskey that the cigars (that had been in other peoples mouths) had been in couldnt have been bad, right? and thus THAT half-shot went down the hatch as well.
it was pretty dark at this point. bones and i decided to take a short walk around the camp area where we were and chat, and thus we could leave teg and nikki alone for a little while. so we did. it wasnt a long walk by any means, maybe 10 minutes or so. when we got back, teg and nikki were already in bed for the night. we figured we would clean up a bit and then head off to sleep.
i helped clean a little, and then began to feel a bit light headed. i decided to take it easy, and stood by the fire waiting for bones. and then it hit me. i nearly fell face first into the fire. it hit me like a tidal wave of dizzyness followed by a deep pool of hilarity. i mumbled out something like "i need to get to bed", and then stumbled head first to the tent. i managed to stay standing upright just long enough to unzip the door, and then fell onto my knees, and then face first onto my sleeping bag. i felt mildly stuck there - on my knees, face planted firmly into the ground, but with great effort, i managed to tip myself over, remove my shoes, and crawl into my sleeping bag.
i started laughing hysterically. i had never been drunk before, this was very new to me. and i found it rip-roaring hilarious. i couldnt stop laughing at myself, at feeling that stupid. but this was no ordinary laugh, no sir. this was a strangely high pitched, insane-clown type laugh. i had no control over it. hearing myself laugh like that made me laugh more, and louder. at this point bones was laughing at me. i laughed at that. then nikki and teg were laughing at me. i couldnt stop. memory of that night ends there. kind of an abrupt ending, i know, but i blacked out. so what do you want?
vol 1 - best damn hamburger EVER
back in the final weeks (or maybe it was months... i dont remember the exact date) of my senior year in high school, cold bones, nikki, teg, and i went on a short camping trip up to devils lake in wisconsin. it was early in the year, as i recall, so the place was EMPTY. we didnt really have much to do, but it was like a first taste of sweet freedom for cold bones and i. (no offense bones, but im sure you would pretty much agree) we were losers, see, and knowing that parents were miles and miles away from us was exhilarating. neigh, intoxicating. but ill get to that.
when we arrived, we set up our tents - bones and i in one, nikki and teg in the other. nikki and teg went to go buy some firewood (which as i recall, they couldnt find any stores selling any, so instead they stole some... oh, come on, it was just firewood). i, being the former boy scout (yes, nerd also applies), was in charge of building the fire, and properly starting it once built. no problems there, and in no time we had a fire that burned bright and kept our fingers and butts toasty on that brisk, early spring evening.
for dinner we had brought some extremely cheap-ass hamburgers (you know the kind, the premade ones where you get 100 of them in a box for around $5, probably made from at least 60% soy). to cook them, we wrapped each up in tinfoil, and laid them directly in the fire. of course, we hadnt really considered how to get them out of the fire. but never fear, our ingenuity knew no boundry. we improvised by using two long sticks like a couple of giant chopsticks and pulled them out. i stabbed through my tin foil. i didnt care though - germs be damned! i shake my fist at you dirt and filth, for today i am free!!!
we slapped those pathetic burgers on buns, put on our individually wrapped slices of american cheese, slathered them in ketchup and mustard, and took our first bites. oh! oh the sweet sweet taste of independence! those cut-rate hamburgers dripped with the juice of lady liberty herself, and exploded with flavor pockets of emancipation! somehow, those paltry "meat" patties were the best thing we had ever eaten in our entire lives. and to this day, i believe that bones agrees with me on that one.
after our savory meal was completed, we chatted about whatever it is thats important to seniors in high school and a freshman in college. probably who we thought sucked at school and who was cool, or whatever. and then teg brought out dessert... he had picked up three relatively nice cigars for us gentlemen (nikki didnt smoke). by relatively nice, i mean he bought them individually, they needed the end to be clipped, and they didnt come in a box or whatever. yes sir, a day like this deserves NOTHIN BUT THE BEST. actually, i have no idea what he paid for them, they could have been really damn nice cigars; but that would have been mostly wasted on our far from aficionado perspective. and to make these cigars just a bit sweeter, he produced a half-full bottle of gentleman jack from the trunk of his car, and a metal shot glass (sort of a paradox, i suppose... metal shot glass... but thats just nitpicking). he poured a half-shot, and we dipped the butts of our cigars in the tasty whiskey as we smoked.
as the night progressed, teg offered us a shot of said booze (straight out of the bottle, of course, as the only cup was occupied by the stoggie-dippin whiskey), and we gladly accepted. i had never been drunk before, never really had any more than a drink or two. one would probably think that whiskey might have been a bit too strong for a turd like myself. but let me tell you, that whiskey tasted like brown miracle water that had been filtered through the charcoal of the gods of freedom and mercy! it was amazing. probably the best drink i have ever had, to date. not long later he told us he really didnt want to have to drive back home with the booze in the trunk, because he was afraid of getting pulled over. fear not teg, for bones and i shall finish this bottle for you. well, less so bones, more so yours truly. very much more so...
well, bones and i (again, mostly me) made the firewater go away post haste. i believe the ratio was probably 2 to 1, my drinks to bones drinks. when the bottle was finished, i was still not sated. then it caught my eye... the metal shot glass with the cigar dipped whiskey... hah! the whiskey was good, the cigars were good dipped in the whiskey, the whiskey that the cigars (that had been in other peoples mouths) had been in couldnt have been bad, right? and thus THAT half-shot went down the hatch as well.
it was pretty dark at this point. bones and i decided to take a short walk around the camp area where we were and chat, and thus we could leave teg and nikki alone for a little while. so we did. it wasnt a long walk by any means, maybe 10 minutes or so. when we got back, teg and nikki were already in bed for the night. we figured we would clean up a bit and then head off to sleep.
i helped clean a little, and then began to feel a bit light headed. i decided to take it easy, and stood by the fire waiting for bones. and then it hit me. i nearly fell face first into the fire. it hit me like a tidal wave of dizzyness followed by a deep pool of hilarity. i mumbled out something like "i need to get to bed", and then stumbled head first to the tent. i managed to stay standing upright just long enough to unzip the door, and then fell onto my knees, and then face first onto my sleeping bag. i felt mildly stuck there - on my knees, face planted firmly into the ground, but with great effort, i managed to tip myself over, remove my shoes, and crawl into my sleeping bag.
i started laughing hysterically. i had never been drunk before, this was very new to me. and i found it rip-roaring hilarious. i couldnt stop laughing at myself, at feeling that stupid. but this was no ordinary laugh, no sir. this was a strangely high pitched, insane-clown type laugh. i had no control over it. hearing myself laugh like that made me laugh more, and louder. at this point bones was laughing at me. i laughed at that. then nikki and teg were laughing at me. i couldnt stop. memory of that night ends there. kind of an abrupt ending, i know, but i blacked out. so what do you want?
posted by The EYE at 5:44 AM
1 Comments:
Ah, the memories. I have a few notes of my own here
Post a Comment
<< Home